Deserved
by Steffikins
Summary: Inspired by Hinder's song 'Better Than Me'... He deserved this pain, he knew he did. He deserved the loss, the guilt, he brought it all on himself. And now she is happy without him... And he deserves it. **Rating for intense mature themes, no lemons**


**A/N: This fic was inspired by the song 'Better Than Me' by Hinder, so I don't own anything but the plot. ^.^**

**WARNING: This fic is dark, the darkest fic I have ever written, so anyone who knows my work, be prepared for something alot darker than normal. Enjoy! :D**

Lying on his back, he closed his eyes. The memory replayed over and over in his head. Her smile, ironic that her smile would hurt him. Hadn't he hurt her, broke her heart and tossed her away? He took her smile from her for so long. But time heals all wounds, and she has found her smile again. And that is the kicker-he was so happy to see her smile again that it was like his heart was ripped out when he realized who gave it back to her. If he didn't hate himself for hurting her before, now watching her with HIM was torture. Her laugh, how badly had he wanted to hear her laugh before the one who made her laugh had done it? Now it made his eyes water. But he knew he deserved all this… He deserved it all.

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He watched her smile as his brother took her hand. Her heard her laugh as he kissed it. She tossed him a look over her shoulder, a mixture of pity and pride. Her new love put her back together again, gave her what she needed, what he just couldn't give. In hindsight, part of him wished he could go back and change it all. But the other part knew that she was happy now, and it was all he wanted for her. They left, closing the door behind them. And his tears began to fall. Now, lying on his bed, he wanted to scream. This was all his fault, he couldn't be mad at anyone but himself, no matter how much he wanted someone else to blame. He lied to her, he cheated and he left her. She was perfect for him and he couldn't see it then. It was painfully obvious now. She was kind and soft, evening out his harsh attitude and brash behavior. She had more faith in him then should be allowed and he let her down. He rolled to his side and hugged his pillow to his chest, burying his face and growling loudly before breaking into tears.

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The days wore on and the pain never decreased. He lived with his brother so she was always there. At first, it was weird for them all to be there at the same time. But his brother seemed to enjoy the pain that shot across his face whenever she did something that brought back memories.

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He watched them get closer and when they announced that they were getting their own place, no one was surprised. He spent the next day in his room, trying to decide which hurt worse; living with her as he was or without her as he soon would be. How pathetic he had become… He hurt her, left her, then realized too late that she was the one. Now he was watching her be happy and moving on with her life. And all he could do was think about how much he loved her, missed her and never deserved her.

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The apartment was empty. He was alone with his things, standing in the living room and looking at the walls. Now that she had no reason to come back, he had hung up all their old photos. A painful smile crept to his lips as he touched her image. They were on the couch, cuddled together and watching a movie. Her smile was huge and it made his heart swell. But suddenly reality hit and as his hand dropped from the glass to his side, his heart shattered in his chest.

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Rage filled him and he exploded, screaming into the nothingness of his broken home. He grabbed the couch and threw it over, swinging his arms to the side and grabbing a side-table that housed a lamp. The red ceramic shattered as it hit the hardwood, plunging the room into darkness. He stood there, panting as he looking into the dark. The city lights danced with the shadows around the room as the world carried on without him. It was then that it hit him; no matter how he felt or what he did, the world kept moving. The sun paid no mind to his heartache, the waves crashed on the shore without concern and the earth spun whether his world had stopped or not. He turned on his heels and went to his room, dropping onto his bed on his stomach.

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He rolled to his side and looked at his clock. His mind didn't even register the time as his molten amber eyes fell on a little orange bottle on his nightstand. He stared at it numbly as he assessed the damage. His heart was in millions of pieces, scattered like dust in the wind. She held a good number of them, whether she knew it or not. Some of them were in the random places they had been, the restaurant he took her to for their first date, the park where he confessed his feelings to her and all the other places that meant anything at all. Still more were scattered around his home, but gathering them was useless. Nothing could put it back together. He laughed a hallow laugh. He did this to himself. His mind was numb and he felt nothing but pain, the throbbing, searing pain of isolation. His friends had been worried for a long time, but as it most commonly is with these things, no one could know how deep the rabbit hole goes. Somewhere in his mind, her voice said his name and he broke. He grabbed the bottle, downing the contents in two swallows. He snatched a piece of paper and wrote a note, laying it next to his head on the pillow. He closed his eyes and thought of happier times as he slipped away.

"**Kagome…**

_**I really miss your hair in my face,  
>And the way your innocence tastes,<br>And I think you should know this,  
>You deserve much better than me.<br>I really miss your hair in my face,  
>And the way your innocence tastes,<br>And I think you should know this,  
>You deserve much better than me.<br>**_

…**Inuyasha."**

The End

**A/N: Thanks for reading! Please leave me reviews, I love to read them! :D**


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